My improvements are the words that are red

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal. Success Criteria I know I will be successful when my recount has a Title Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why? Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel). Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel? Second draft Terrible Day It was a peaceful day in the Savanna. I woke up from sunbathing with the pride. Then I had a bath in the long straw grass. I heard the peaceful birds chirping in the dry, wrinkly trees. The pride and I were getting ready to strike. I peaked over the long lurky grass. I could see a herd of buffaloes one by one going around the river bank.  I just stared at the herd of buffaloes. I was slobbering on the dry spiky grass. I could feel the sharpness in the pointy leather grass. I could hear the cicadas whistling in the wind. Then I started to crouch on my paws. I pounced! I’m off in a dash with the pride. I targeted the buffalo calf, I was getting closer and closer. SPLASH! Went the calf into the mucky waters. I took a mouthful of dirty water and it tasted of mud.  I felt like a rope about to snap.  I used my claws to try to pull the calf up on the slippery river bank.  Then….came along a croc and he looked very hungry, and he tried to steal the calf off me. The pride helped me pull the calf out of the water, so the calf wasn't lunch for the croc. The croc weakened, and he let go of the calf, out of the water from the croc. The pride and I felt heavy footsteps coming towards us. Then buffaloes started to surround us, but I escaped the herd of buffaloes. A buffalo started to chase after me. Ahhhhh! I could feel the pain inside of me, my heart was pounding, I felt like a machine that's about to explode. Then I stopped in my tracks and watched them beaten by the buffaloes, wasted at the battlefield, that was paradise for me.  I fainted. I couldn't see a thing. It felt like I had fallen in a black hole. I could smell what was once there. I ran as fast as I could to get away  from this war zone that was once a paradise. I never stopped running for my life. I’d slipped on the muddy grass in the autumn rains, mud all over my coat that was once smooth.

Chapter 2 I founded shelter under a wrinkly tree that's coming to life again from the autumn falls. The sun was shining brightly in the Savannah and did not knew where I was. I’m lost I did not recognize anything I was somewhere else that I didn't know the I saw a different pride then I’d recognize some body called Snapo. I used to play with him when I was little. 2 People Talk (Act out) I tried to go up to them .then tried to attack me. I said Sharsh: “it’s me!” “Who?” Sharsh: “Remember we used to play with each other when we were young.” Snapo: “ Is it really you?” Sharsh: “Yes it is me!” Snapo: “Oh my goodness, Sharsh it’s really you?” Sharsh: “Yes”    Snapo:   “Sharsh!” Sharsh:   “Snapo!” Snapo “I’d missed you. But where is the pride?” Sharsh: "They died." Snapo: "That's terrible."`